no, we haven't become hippies

by Kristin

We've gotten various reactions when we mention things like seeing my midwife, natural birth, and even cloth diapers.  Some people praise us for being anti-institutionalists (we're not).  Others assume that living in California has turned us into hippies (it hasn't).  A few think this makes us better Christians (not sure how that works).  Some just think we're plain crazy.

While many people do understand and respect why we've made the choices we have, there has been enough confusion that we thought maybe it would be helpful if we explained them.  After all, I used to think that the idea of seeing a midwife was really strange, too.  I get it. :)

Why we chose a midwife...
I guess it would be helpful to explain exactly what a midwife is.  First, a midwife is not a doula.  Doulas are basically labor coaches (no medical training required).  When you really get down it, Nathan is my doula (although he prefers the term "coach").

Historically, midwives were older women in the community who would assist other women during birth.  Back before doctors had any formal training or understanding of obstetrics or gynecology, a midwife was the person you wanted by your side because they had so much experience with labor (and they'd generally been through it themselves).  Today, a nurse-midwife is a highly educated professional whose primary medical training and experience focuses on pregnancy and labor.   Rather than seeing pregnancy as a "condition," they see it as a normal process of life and offer a variety of options for labor and birth while minimizing unnecessary interventions. According to studies, women who choose nurse-midwives have lower rates of pre-term delivery, low birth weight infants, infant mortality, and cesarean sections than the national average.  My midwife isn't just some woman off the street - she has a bachelors in nursing, a master's degree, and is a board-certified midwife who has worked exclusively in labor and delivery since 1995 (she's also had 4 kids herself!).

When we first found out I was pregnant, I went to an OB/GYN like most women do.  She was nice enough, but it quickly became apparent that we had very different ideas concerning pregnancy.  As long as there are no complications, I consider pregnancy (and all of its unpleasant side effects) a normal part of life.  For example, morning sickness is normal - I don't need a prescription med for it (especially considering that these medications haven't been proven safe for unborn fetuses).  My OB/GYN, however, was bound by hospital protocol and was pretty much looking for something to be wrong.  She was rather shocked that I didn't want genetic testing and was even more appalled that I turned down the 7-week ultrasound.

While both of these things are common procedures in today's pregnancies, Nathan and I both agreed early on that they weren't necessary.  Every medical procedure has risks, even ultrasounds (although they've never been proven unsafe, they haven't really been proven safe, either).  When it comes to medical procedures, therefore, we have to weigh the risks to see if they are worth it.  In many cases they are.  For example, if you are having digestive issues, it's worth the risk of a colonoscopy to make sure that you don't have colon cancer.  In pregnancy, though, we didn't think these early tests worth it.  Even if a genetic test showed our baby to have a problem, we wouldn't terminate the pregnancy...so we didn't need the test.  And the only purpose of the 7-week ultrasound would be to determine that I was pregnant in the first place (which was pretty obvious based on my personal records, morning sickness, etc., etc.).  Unfortunately, the OB/GYN wasn't interested at all in seeing my fertility charts or even testing my blood hormone levels - she flat out refused to confirm my pregnancy without an ultrasound.  I found this to be really strange.

So...I switched to a midwife!  I still get all of the same care - the same blood work, the same weekly appointments, etc.  I get encouragement to eat healthy, exercise, etc.  But, the difference is that my pregnancy has been treated as the normal pregnancy that it is.  We were offered the choice on whether we wanted the 20-week ultrasound (we did), and my midwife has helped me to find natural ways to combat nausea and other discomforts rather than immediately resorting to prescription medication.  The midwife I'm seeing in Texas cares more about eating nutritionally than only gaining a certain number of pounds because she recognizes that all women are different - she's monitoring my weight gain but not freaking out over it.  I won't be pressured to be induced by a certain date, and I can choose to labor and birth in whatever positions are most comfortable for me.  I like that.

I also like the fact that I get to see the same person for prenatal care from start to finish.  If I have a question, I call my midwife and talk to her, day or night.  When I go into labor, guess who is going to deliver my baby?  That's right...my midwife!  Not whichever doctor happens to be on call.

The common objection I hear from people is "what if something goes wrong???"  The answer is easy.  If something starts going wacko, my midwife won't hesitate to send me to a specialist.  If things go terribly wrong in labor, she won't hesitate to send me straight to the OR for an emergency cesarean.  I'm still having my baby in a hospital where there are doctors, anesthesiologists, operating rooms, and all of the latest equipment.  Seeing a midwife doesn't put me in danger at all.  In fact, after hearing stories from other people, I'm convinced that I'm probably in less danger of having a bad birth experience because my midwife is committed to avoiding unnecessary interventions (and these are what often lead to the overwhelming number of cesarean births in the first place).

Speaking of birth...
We want a natural birth.  I understand why this seems crazy to lots of people - having a baby hurts, and if there are drugs available, then why not take them?  We aren't naive about this or entering this decision lightly.  We also know that I'm not going to be handed a prize for having a baby without drugs.  At the end of the day, though, it's not about me and my comfort.  It's about the baby.  And, after looking into it, we're convinced that it's better for the baby if I avoid drugs during labor.  After all, if I'm going to avoid them throughout the whole pregnancy, why should I do any different while giving birth?

Yes, we get that labor will probably hurt...a lot.  I've told Nathan to just tell me to "suck it up" when I start complaining. :)  But, from what I've heard from my friends who've had epidurals, labor still hurt for them, too.  And many of them have complained about side effects from the epidurals or slow recovery times.  Meanwhile, the stories that I've heard from women who have done it naturally are generally positive - they seem to be able to spring back from birth within a few days, if not a few hours.  They aren't going to run a marathon or anything, but they seem to have felt more in control of their body during birth and after.

We've taken Bradley classes (they have over a 90% success rate for natural birth), we've done the stretches and exercises, and we've practiced relaxation techniques.  And, if for some reason I choose to have (or need) medication in labor, we'll take it and not feel like failures for doing so.  But we're not planning on it, and we really appreciate those who have encouraged us in this decision.  It's not for everyone, and we don't at all look down upon those who didn't go this route (in fact, I have some friends for whom this would be a bad decision, and I respect that).  We do believe it's the best decision for us, though, and we're committed to doing what we can to make it happen.

Now for the fluff...
I am so excited about cloth diapers!!!  I admit, that probably sounds odd.  But, cloth diapers have changed a lot since the days when my mom used them - they are easier to use, easier to launder, and so, so, so cute!  I've done a lot of reading on cloth diapers (I highly recommend the book Changing Diapers, by the way), and I've decided that there's no reason why I shouldn't give them a whirl.  They are way more economical than disposables, and they smell better, too.  Since I will be staying at home with the baby, there shouldn't be a reason why I can't keep up with the laundry (I'd rather do that than take out the trash anyway).  I'm also excited about the fact that cloth-diapered babies tend to have fewer rashes, etc.

I just bought my first "stash" from a local cloth diaper store.  There are lots of great fitted diapers out there that go on just like disposables, but I've heard that it can be hard to properly fit a baby until it's about 4 months old.  So, for now I decided to go with old-school prefolds and covers.  At about $2 each, prefolds are a great investment - if I end up deciding that cloth diapering isn't for me after all, I'll just use them as burp rags!  I got enough that I should only have to do the laundry every 1.5 to 2 days.  The covers are awesome because you don't need that many (I got 6) and they have tons of snaps to allow you to adjust the size as your baby grows.  And did I mention how cute they are??? 

I taught Nathan how to use the diapers by showing him on his stuffed possum. :)  I look forward to actually trying them out on Pebbles in a few weeks, and I'll be sure to tell you how it goes.

To wrap up...
So, as you can see, we haven't become anti-institutionalist hippies.  We're working on being better Christians, and we may very well be crazy, but I don't think the decisions we're making regarding pregnancy, birth, and beyond really have much to do with either.  Instead, we're just doing what we think is best (and most fashionable) for the baby.  I admit that I still get apprehensive, but I'm also optimistic - in the end, things will work out according to God's plan, and I totally trust in that.

november updates

Wow.  It's 2012, and we haven't updated in over a month.  Sorry!  You'd think that life would have calmed down for us (at least that's what we thought) since we haven't really made any friends or gotten involved in anything yet.  Turns out we were wrong!

We're going to give our November updates in this post and then tackle all things December later.  Hopefully we'll get to talking about 2012 by the time it's 2013.

November was a busy month for us.  We got unpacked and as settled as we're going to be until we get a house.  We went house hunting and church hunting while meanwhile getting used to the area and adjusting to our new schedules.  Overall, we've had some great times together!  Here are our long-overdue updates...

Nathan:
Work was still a bit of an intimidation as I tried to learn all the new procedures and software and anatomy while trying to stick to project timelines.  But, I am still very happy for the change.  So far, I am working on a wire guide that will be used in hip trauma surgeries, a tool for extracting a particular implant from the big toe, and some instrumentation for a new product line that I'd love to talk more about but can't.  The change from hips and knees to small bones has been interesting.  Many concepts are the same, but the scale is completely different.  On the hip and knee side, all instruments were designed robust enough to be used as hammers because we always had surgeons who'd use them as such.  On the small bone side, there are threaded holes half a millimeter deep having too little space for even a full revolution of a thread, and there are cannulated drills thin enough to be bent by hand.  The scale is completely different, and every tiny bit of material possible must be preserved.

In early December, I attended my first cadaver lab.  Before the lab, I got to listen to a surgeon talk through several types of surgeries with other surgeons, and it is a bit mind boggling.  After dealing with fractures of just the femur or tibia, now there is rarely a "simple" fracture, and injuries are likely to have compound fractures through several adjacent bones each having it's own set of mobility and stability considerations.  After the first couple of minutes, it was actually pretty fun.  I was a bit surprised to find out that some of the crazy deformities that I've been seeing in x-rays were not just the worst case surgeries, but they are actually pretty common.  Even one of the cadaver feet had a pretty wicked deformity.  Then after the lab, we got a lunch catered by On The Border with some of the most massive brownies I've ever had, so it was a good day.

Kristin:
I'm doing good and enjoyed my birthday season!!!  (I celebrate my birthday from Thanksgiving until New Year's).  This year I turned the Big 3-0.  It's crazy to think that I'm that old...I don't feel it!

I've gotten involved in Bible Study Fellowship here, which has been wonderful (it's the only human conversation I get each week besides talking to Nathan and my doctor's office).  I'm in my 3rd trimester and finally enjoying cooking again.  It's been wonderful to have meals waiting for Nathan when he gets home.  See this marbled pumpkin cheesecake I made him?!

I've spent a lot of time working on my dissertation, and made significant progress on chapter 5 (will be finished first week of January).  I'm planning to get a running start on chapter 6 (the last one!) before Pebbles gets here.

I've been really fortunate to be able to reconnect with a few college friends living in the area, and I'm really looking forward to the day when we get connected with a new church community.  Until then, I couldn't be happier - I chose a great best friend the day I married, and these past few months have given me a wonderful opportunity to grow in my relationship with him.


Pebbles:
Pebbles is growing big and strong (at least judging by how much Kristin's belly moves!).  Pebbles enjoys several aerobics hours throughout the day but fortunately lets Kristin get sleep at night.  Kristin is finally looking pregnant enough to park in the "expectant mother" parking spots. :)

We're seeing a fantastic midwife at a wonderful clinic here - they are open Christians at the clinic and incredibly supportive of our desires for Pebbles' birth (we'll explain more about this in a later post).  Our midwife starts each appointment by asking Kristin what she's been studying in the Bible!  So far, we feel very fortunate to have found this clinic and to be working with our midwife.  We've finished our birthing classes and are confident as anyone can be about the labor and delivery.  We're feeling really overwhelmed at the thought of bringing home a new baby, though.  We've got lots of reading and shopping to do before February!

House Hunting:
We enjoyed spending our November weekends going to open houses in the area.  This was a good decision on our parts because we really didn't know what we were looking for (or weren't looking for) until we actually started going to visit homes.  By our third week of that, we were able to verbalize what we wanted in a home.  We found a realtor and narrowed our home search to McKinney and Frisco.  Frisco would be awesome because Nathan's commute would be much shorter.  You can get more house for your money in McKinney, however, and we're really liked some of the homes we've seen there.  We found one home we call "the dream home" simply because it's the first that really captured our attention.  It was gorgeous inside, had a lot of architectural interest, and was a place we could see ourselves living in.  It's still on the market, but we think we might still be able to find something that would fit a few more of our desires (i.e. den area, bigger yard, etc.).  We took December off for holiday travels, but we're excited to resume the house search in January (this time doing private tours with our realtor).

Church Hunting:
Wow.  We've been to little bitty churches, mega mega churches, and everything in between!  We've realized that we really won't be able to settle on a church home until we settle on a real home, so we've enjoyed just visiting around to different places.  Our favorite church experience so far has been Stonebriar Community Church.  Nathan picked it out to check out because it was in Frisco and is where Chuck Swindoll preaches (for those who don't know, he's a pretty famous author and has a radio ministry as well).  It was absolutely huge - we had to be shuttled in from remote parking!  When we got inside, though, we loved it.  It was the first big church we've been to where we didn't just feel like spectators.  The music was nice, the teaching was awesome, and the church had a nice family feel to it - very multi-generational.  We normally wouldn't consider making such a large church our church home, but we've decided to check it out again in January.  It's the kind of place that we could see getting involved in.

November Dates:
We took October off for dates since we moved, and we knew we wouldn't be doing dates in December because of all of the holiday travel, so we had to do dates in November!  We ended up keeping them pretty low-key since we still weren't all that familiar with the area.

For Kristin's date, she took Nathan to the Olive Garden for dessert.  We normally don't get dessert at restaurants, so it was fun to go there and get nothing but plates of sugar.  Nathan also tried the wine (something he's been avoiding lately since Kristin can't have it).

The theme of Kristin's date for Nathan was to meet his need for unconditional love and acceptance.  We talked about how we could show love to each other, how we recognize that the other loves us, and what we can do to build up safety nets in our marriage now so that we can weather the storms that life will eventually throw us.  It was a good and uplifting conversation.  And, of course, Nathan loved his desserts.

 

Nathan's date for Kristin was a trip to a local mall.  Kristin loves exploring malls and just window shopping, and this was a mall she had particularly wanted to check out.  We were pleasantly surprised to find that it had an ice skating rink! 

We've decided that of all of the malls in the area, this one is definitely our favorite (it even tops the Galleria).  The mall had a Cheesecake Factory, so we stopped in for a piece of Godiva chocolate cheesecake.  It was delicious!

There wasn't a theme to this date - just a night to enjoy each other's company.  We briefly drove through a neighborhood known for its Christmas lights on our way home.

Thanksgiving:
It was great to be able to spend Thanksgiving visiting family this year!  We headed to Lubbock to visit Kristin's grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  Kristin's mom and dad showed up as well, so it was a full house!  As usual, we did some Black Friday shopping at the local mall.  Although Kristin is normally really excited about going, she wasn't too keen on losing sleep this year.  She refused to go to the stores when they opened at midnight and compromised with her mom on a 4am wake-up time. 

Nathan kept up pretty well until we hit World Market at about 11am.  He saw some pillows and, well...

So that was November in a nutshell!